Obsessive Compulsive
by aidanadia
Summary: Bella starts to go insane when Jacob gives her a paradox, added with Edward's absence. Set during New Moon, alternate ending.


**Obsessive Compulsive**

**Oneshot**

**Summary:**Bella starts to go delirious after an encounter with a paradox. Set during New Moon in Edward's absence. Alternate Ending to NM.

**(Third Person POV)**

Jacob Black stared down at the gravestone beneath his feet. He crouched down, allowing his fingers to run over its immaculate marble texture, feeling cool under his fingertips. Gently, he traced the markings carved into the stone.

ISABELLA MARIE SWAN

1988-2007

LOVED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

His large shoulders began to quiver in response, the waves of sadness flowing through his body. The russet coloured hands that held an intricate bouquet of black and red roses gripped tighter around the stems, causing the thorns to penetrate his rough, calloused palms. Jacob cried out in frustration from the pain of everything. His best friend was rotting away in the Forks cemetery because of him. If he could, Jacob would trade places with her happily. But it was not his decision to make; fate was the only ruler in the game.

He stood up from his crouching position, hastily wiping away the few tears of contriteness that had escaped the corners of his eyes. What would Bella say now if she saw such a response emanating from him? She'd chide him, most likely, saying something like "Aww, look at that, I made a werewolf cry! Even you're not so tough like you pretend to be, Jacob Black," then immediately enveloping him in a hug where her small arms would struggle to fit around his middle. He would have placed his face in her hair and deeply inhaled her beautiful aroma, one of freesia and other unknown flowers. If he did that now, the only scent he'd pick up would be the one of rotting human flesh. _Her_ rotting flesh.

"Why?" Jacob cried, shaking his fist to the sky and heavens above. "Why? Answer me, fiends!" There was no response, obviously. Jacob tried to place his paw-like hand on the gravestone but found he could not as his whole body convulsed with agony and misery. _Cruel world should have taken me instead,_ he thought.

The row of tall, dark skinned males stood in a single line, sadly glancing at their friend, who had become a wreck after the death of their human friend, Isabella. Everyone could feel the anguish tormenting him and it hurt to see someone they considered their blood brother to be ripped up. They all simultaneously turned to face the alpha of their pack, Sam Uley, who sighed and approached Jacob.

Jacob stared through his teary eyes to see the person that had grabbed his hand and dragged him to his unsteady feet. It was Sam. "Jake," he murmured. "We're all going to Emily's place for the funeral luncheon, and then we're going to phase to keep the boundaries safe from _them_. Will you come?"

Jake bit his lip bitterly. It was the Cullens' fault as much as it was his own. _The Cullens,_ he thought. _Beautiful, perfect bloodsuckers, they left her to die…_ But he was her guardian, the one who was supposed to patch her up after she broke down every single time. He was a werewolf, one that was stronger and faster than the rest. But he failed as well. They were all to blame, werewolf and vampire. Sam patiently awaited Jacob's answer and was not surprised when Jacob simply shook his head and stared away from Sam's penetrating gaze and out to the horizon. Sam and the others stepped away from him lightly, leaving him to his own thoughts and lamenting.

Jacob sat down on the fairly damp ground, soiling the trousers of his rental suit. He paid no heed to it. He turned until he was vis-à-vis with the tombstone, his eyes reading her name over and over until he could see her name glowing in the afternoon sun. Jacob decided it wasn't time to leave just yet.

**-The Past-**

Bella woke up to yet another miserable day. She was shuddering uncontrollably after her most recent encounter with the horrid nightmare, the same one that tortured her for months. The one with _him._

He was Edward Cullen – her angel, her perpetual saviour, the vampire in shining armour. They were soul mates but he was convinced he was not the right person for her. He thought Bella didn't deserve to love a demon, a bloodsucking monster, so he deserted her in Forks, Washington, leaving her to wallow shamefully in her anguish. Edward told her he didn't love her and Bella soaked up the words like a sponge for she thought it was the truth. Bella was like a fragile little china doll, breaking every time someone said his name. Edward.

Concern and pity wafted through the torrential downpour in Forks. No one spoke to her anymore, afraid that she would crumble at their feet. They avoided her like the Bubonic Plague – the rest of her friends believed that with one sympathetic touch, they too would be overcome with the disastrous melancholy. Everyone left her to her own misery, even her father.

That morning, Bella shifted the curtains in her bedroom aside remotely, looking for the infamous Police Cruiser her father, Charlie, drove around. It was absent from its usual place in the driveway by her red Chevy truck. _He probably went fishing with his mates down at the river_, Bella mused. She freshened up and robotically made her way downstairs.

Bella silently chewed at the tasteless balls of wheat drowned in milk and started when there was a sudden knock at the door. Bella frowned in thought, and then made her way up to open it. A rare smile lit up on her face when she saw Jacob Black, her werewolf best friend. His bright white teeth shone down at her, his eyes twinkling merrily.

"Come in, Jake," Bella said softly. Silently, Jacob followed her into the cold house. They both sat down on the couch facing each other. Bella was puzzled. Normally, Jacob was so very talkative, and yet today he had not even spoken a single word!

Jacob cleared his thought, cutting through her train of thought. "The first thing said to you by the first person you meet today will not be true," said Jacob. "Trust me – don't believe what he says!"

Bella narrowed her eyes. "Ok," she said slowly. "But hang on a minute: _you're_ the first person I've met today!

"Exactly!" Jacob smiled at her cheekily.

Bella's shoulders slumped. "Is this a paradox, Jacob? Because if it is, I'm really not in the mood for a brain teaser at the moment. I have a lot of things to do today, and this would only get in the way of my concentration."

Jacob smiled sadly. Bella had become such a perfectionist after her leech-like boyfriend left. Her life followed a consistent pattern now, a never ending routine full of concentration, mind wandering prohibited. Bella always studied hard, more than necessary, Jacob thought. The house would always be squeaky clean – not a single smudge of grime defaced the shiny surfaces of the stove or bench tops. The bathroom would smell like lemon scented cleaning agents and the windows were so shiny Jacob swore he could see his own reflection in them like a mirror every time he walked past. Bella just blamed it on Windex. As nice as it was to see a neat and tidy home, Jacob was simply scared of Bella's monotonous behaviour. She had never been like this before… Jacob only accused one certain vampire. Jacob recently invested in a computer and was surprised at the ridiculous websites that dominated the Internet. However, he did find an interesting site full of paradoxes and hoped they would entertain Bella for some time, and perhaps tone down her incessant freakish habits. Bella had become almost obsessive compulsive.

While Jacob was pondering over Bella's shallow demeanour, Bella was trying to think of a solution. Riddles and paradoxes were not her forte but this one had truly caught her attention.

"Aha!" shouted Bella. "You're trying to trick me, Jacob. It's obvious that what you said is _neither_ true nor not true." Bella thought she had nailed it, for she reasoned that every such sentence did not have to be true or not true.

Jacob turned to face her again. "So, you're suggesting to me that it is not true what that I said is true, and also not true that what I said is not true?"

"I suppose so," Bella drawled.

"Well, then if it is not true that what I said is true, then what I said _is _not true! And if it's not true what I said is not true, then what I said _is_ true! For what I said is precisely that what I said is not true!"

Bella's head began to spin and the only words she could decipher that came out of Jacob's mouth were "true" and "not true". "If I get a migraine at the end of the day, be sure to remind me to blame _you_."

Jacob rambled on, despite her feeble protest. "So you see, your suggestion is wrong: it's _not_ true that what I said is neither true nor not true. In fact, it's _both_ true and not true!" Jacob smiled triumphantly at Bella, who just felt like force feeding Jacob something awfully vile.

"That's impossible, Jacob! A statement can't be both true and not true!" protested Bella. Jacob merely tapped the side of his head knowingly. "Take a break, Bella. You look into things _way_ too much."

With that, Jacob left Bella by herself, deep in concentration with eyebrows furrowed. _Stupid paradox,_ she thought to herself.

--

A fortnight had passed by and Bella had still not figured out the paradox. Sometimes, she would end up putting herself to sleep because of it. Day and night, Jacob's words repeated themselves in her head. Bella was becoming less attentive in her classes, absentmindedly doodling in the margins of her notebook, trying to interpret the absurdity that was constantly tormenting her. Her brain was working furiously over the paradox, even when it was half conscious due to Tylenol.

She knew that Jacob meant well and offered her the paradox in place of a mental holiday, but it was literally driving her insane! Bella was starting to feel somewhat worthless, with finals and whatnot coming up. If she couldn't solve a simple puzzle, how would she ever excel in life? Bella sighed and let her head drop into her arms. Her life was plummeting further into hell. She was a useless person, somewhat like a zombie, lifelessly wandering around town, having no goals or destinations to reach in life. If ever she was to be admitted into a mental asylum, it was because of the paradox and the only people that needed to be incarcerated would be Jacob and Edward, who still drove her thoughts into a sudden frenzy. Bella winced. It still hurt to think even his name, months after his departure from her life. Bella quickly turned her thoughts to the paradox at hand, her headache flaring up almost instantaneously.

Driving her truck home, Bella was so immersed in finding a loophole around the paradox that she almost drove into a tree and killed herself. She swung the truck back on to the road, cursing herself for her own carelessness. But she couldn't help but feel wistful at the near death. Death felt inviting now, welcoming her to the bitter doorstep. She wouldn't have to put up with the pain of life anymore, the pain of knowing that she was alone…_Stop it, Bella! Stop thinking of suicide!_ Her subconscious chided her and she blushed faintly, ashamed of having even considered the notion briefly. She pulled up into the driveway of her house, pulling her book bag out with her, placing it over her head as a pathetic shield from the rain. Bella removed the key from under the eave and unlocked the door. Her hand fumbled for the light switch.

Bella flicked on the light switch, illuminating the lounge room. She gasped and her arms went slack, releasing the grip she had on her bag earlier. Bella's knees knocked together, the blood rushing in her head, her pulse beating erratically. Bella gulped and pinched herself. No, it wasn't a dream or a hallucination produced by lysergic acid diethyl amide.

There was a vampire in her living room.

A vampire that once she had a strong bond with, one that was severed when the coven moved away from Forks and out of her life forever. Bella never thought she'd live to see another one again; proclaiming vampires were a figment of her imagination. But no, there was one standing in her lounge room, staring back at her with a stony expression.

"Alice," Bella breathed. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of her former best friend, immobile only a meter away from her. Bella outstretched her arm to get a feel of the cool, granite skin. Perhaps Alice's skin would serve as a solace for an ephemeral transition… just one touch…

Before Bella's fingertips brushed Alice's bare arm, Alice shifted slightly so Bella would not be able to. Dejectedly, Bella let her arm drop to her side. Alice stared at the human girl in front of her; chocolate eyes meeting coal black ones. Bella realised why Alice had not permitted her to feel, because she had not fed and could end up killing her accidentally.

"Oh, Alice, I've missed you so much!" cried Bella. She hadn't felt so exuberant in what felt like an era. Alice's mere presence was so inviting and delightful, Bella was ready to welcome them all back like the prodigal, even Edward.

Alice grimaced. "I'm not here to stay, Bella."

Bella's lip trembled. 'Why not, Alice, why not? I want you to come back; you don't know what I've been through without you all!"

Alice stared coldly at Bella. "Bella, we are not coming back and that is final. Please accept it." Bella took a step back in fear. Alice had never acted like that to her before.

"I only came by to give you back something that is rightfully yours," said Alice in her soprano voice. To Bella's ears it had lost the musical touch.

"Whatever it is, Alice, you can keep it, I don't want it back." Bella's hands shook.

"It's not your choice to keep it or reject it, Bella. It's from Edward and he says he longer wants it. I'll leave it behind and then you're entitled to do whatever you wish. Discard it or keep it. It doesn't concern me." Alice tossed the brown paper package lightly on the sofa.

"Alice, please…" Bella was almost at hysteria point.

"Don't beg, Bella, it won't change anything." Alice made to walk past Bella briskly but Bella clamped onto her arm. Alice tried to shake her off but Bella dropped to the ground, the knees of her jeans slightly dirtying with dust from the wooden floor.

"Alice, don't leave me, don't be so harsh! I don't deserve to have my heart broken twice by the same people! Don't hurt me anymore than I already am hurt, Alice, don't you dare!" Bella sobbed her heart out at Alice's feet, a few tears rolling down her cheeks and splashing onto Alice's Dior shoes.

Alice reached out a lone finger and lifted up Bella's tearstained cheeks. Bella looked up to see Alice's pitch black eyes soften like molten coal momentarily before regaining the icy sheen. "I'm sorry," Alice apologized. With that, Alice shook Bella off and walked out of the house at a human pace.

Bella drunkenly stared out the door, still intoxicated by the vampiric perfume Alice radiated. "You know, Alice, you're just like what Jacob says you all are," Bella whispered. She knew that Alice would hear. Bella saw her stiffen in reaction, freezing in the driveway. "Jacob says you're despicable, cold, heartless and soulless monsters. He couldn't be more right."

Alice turned around, agony etched onto her face. Bella bit her lip and waited for Alice to come back. Within the blink of an eye, Alice had disappeared. _Wishful thinking, Bella_.

Bella wiped away her tears and dragged herself to the couch where the unexpected parcel lay. Slowly, careful not to rip the paper, Bella revealed a tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_ by Emily Bronte. The gates of her tear ducts opened again, drowning the threadbare pages of her old paperback novel. She had given it to Edward for his Christmas present for he couldn't understand her infatuation with the tacky romance novel. But he had liked the book for it smelt so much like her so she gave it to him, a present he accepted happily. But not anymore.

Bella felt like her spleen had been ripped out of her abdomen and rammed down her oesophagus forcefully. She stared to choke on her misery. Why were these vampires so intent on killing her over and over? It was like they derived some sort of personal pleasure, seeing a human collapse relentlessly. Bella's emotions were going haywire, responding frenetically.

Bella threw the novel into the kitchen bin and started to clean the house as quickly as she could, scrubbing down the tiles and wooden panels as hard as she could, starting all over again when her tears messed up the cleaning pattern. Three hours later, when she finally finished, the house was scintillating but Bella had never felt so alone in her whole life. She jumped when the land phone began to ring shrilly. Trying not to get her hopes up, Bella simply figured it was Charlie calling to tell her he'd be late.

"Hello?" Bella whispered. She didn't want her voice to betray her.

"Hey, Bells!" Jake cried enthusiastically. "How's the problem solving going?"

A lump formed in the middle of her throat and no amount of swallowing reduced it. "It's a bit tricky, but I'll get there in the end."

"You sound a bit shaky, Bella. Is everything alright?" Jacob asked as the concerned I'm-there-for-you-always friend.

"Fine, fine. I have to go. Bye Jacob." With that, Bella slammed the phone down on the receiver and slumped to the floor in despair.

"Why would a bunch of vampires like me anyway? Why would Edward be fascinated or infatuated with me? I'm no one, I'm not interesting and I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm nothing, just a plain human!" Bella started to cry again, her sobbing filling the empty house. "I can't do anything; I can't even solve a simple riddle! I'm pathetic and it hurts and I don't want to live anymore!"

Bella began to ramble on incessantly like a madman. Suddenly, she scrambled up and ran towards paper and pen. Bowing her head down, her hair cascading around her in disarray, Bella started to write.

--

"Hey Emily, I think I'm going to leave," Jacob called from the dining room.

"Leave? But why Jacob? I haven't even brought out the blueberry muffins! I know how much you adore them!"

"Sorry, Emily, but I have a bad feeling. It's about Bella. I have to go." Without another word, Jacob hurried out the door and started up the Rabbit, not wanting to morph into a werewolf. It was probably nothing anyway. He drove to her house to find the door unlocked and the insides immaculately clean.

"Bella?" Jacob called out loud. He knew she wasn't here. Wandering into the kitchen, Jacob spotted a piece of notepaper attached to the fridge with a magnet designed like a strawberry. He picked it up and started to read:

_Dear Jacob,_

_I'm sorry. I never knew I'd ever be writing this. But I didn't know just how painful and hard it would be to deal with everything in the end._

_I'm slowly starting to go insane. Nothing's been right ever since Edward left me. Ever since then, I've felt like I've been baring the weight of the world on my shoulders._

_But I'm crumbling. Slowly, the world is slipping off my shoulders. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts just thinking about it._

_I suppose it got worse after you gave me the paradox. It has caused me much suffering, I realise. I'm not as smart as I always thought I was… I can't even solve something as simple as that! The paradox has been haunting my dreams, you know that?_

_To top it all off, Alice came back today. __Just momentarily, to give me back something.__ It's pushing me over the edge._

_I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, Jacob. I don't want to but right now it's the only salvation left in the world, I fear._

_I want you to know something. The paradox – it isn't your fault. You were only trying to make me happier. It backfired, but it's not your fault._

_If you do make it here on time, please don't save me. I'm sick of being the damsel in distress. __I long to die._

_I love you, Jacob. You're the best friend anyone could have asked for and I'm glad I got you._

_Love Bella_

Jacob crumpled the note into his fist, not believing what he had just read. Bella leaving a suicide note? It was blasphemous! Bella wouldn't do such a thing, not ever! _But she would do it; you know it, Jacob,_ said the sneaky voice in his head. He shoved the letter into his pocket and rushed off to the one place he knew of that Bella would go to.

In a matter of minutes, Jacob was standing on the edge of the cliff in La Push. He had morphed into a werewolf and followed her scent and it had led him here. He remembered how many times Bella had requested they go cliff diving and he had always postponed it. So she had decided to take matters into her own hands. Jacob jumped from the brink, freefalling for approximately 100 feet.

Jacob thrashed about in the water, trying to find Bella. He submerged himself under the water, grabbing onto her midriff when he found her. Jacob dragged her back up to shore, letting her settle in the sand. Bella was unresponsive.

"Bella, wake up," he called out to her. She didn't move a muscle. "Come on, Bella, work with me here!" He began to furiously slap her cheeks, her head lolling to each side. He started to press on her heart when he realised she wasn't breathing. Jacob's resuscitation continued on for more than fifteen minutes. He didn't give up any hope, Bella would not die.

The other pack members crowded around him, Embry dragging Jacob back while Sam tried to revive her. "It's too late," Sam said emotionlessly. "Bella's gone."

"No!" Jacob howled, scrambling out of Embry's grasp. He started to pound on Bella's heart, but to no avail. "Jake," Sam insisted. "She's gone, there's nothing you can do about it. It's too late. We were all too late."

Jacob buried his head in her hair, wailing and at the same time inhaling her smell which was now mingled with the scent of saltwater and seaweed. His tears mingled with the water droplets on her neck. The shore was silent except for Jacob's muffled sobs on the day that Bella died.

**Present**

Jacob stood up from his spot in the ground next to the gravestone. He gently laid the bouquet of roses on her grave. "To my obsessive compulsive perfectionist friend, Isabella. I'll never forget you."

Jacob sighed, looking into the distance. He could faintly make out the horizon. It stopped raining a while ago.

"I never knew a paradox could throw you over the edge. If I had known it would end like this, I never would have told you."

**End**

**--**

**A/N: This was for Flame Rising's Fireplace Challenge. The requirement was for the last line to be 'If I had known it would end like this, I never would have told you." ****Thanks F/R for the challenge.**

**The paradox was taken from Stephen Fry's The Philosophy Gym, which I do not own. Nor do I own Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte or any of ****Stephenie**** Meyer's characters.**

**Nadia the demented one**


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